Harrison Ford as Jacob Dutton, Helen Mirren as Cara Dutton, Aminah Nieves as Teonna, Darren Mann as Jack Dutton, and Michelle Randolph as Elizabeth Strafford in 1923, streaming on Paramount+ 2022.

With multiple plot lines running in 1923, one constant is the epic “waiting on Spencer” to come back home so they can fight for their ranch.

Why? What’s so special about Spencer? He’s on the other side of the world. Is there no one halfway competent there? I know Dutton got hit by NINE—count ‘em—NINE .45 slugs and it put him out of action for a little while, but still. Is everyone else totally incompetent?

Because here’s the thing. Spencer seems to be a very incompetent boob. Not the kind of guy I’d be waiting on to lead me to victory.

First, his car gets knocked over by elephants, despite him being a savvy big game hunter. Then he gets treed by lions. Oh wait, before that, he was hired to kill a leopard but failed in that because he finds out too late there are two leopards and a woman and one of his guides gets killed. Not the big bad hunter he pretends to be. Didn’t he check tracks? Doesn’t he know big game and predators as the biggest, baddest hunter around?

Then he never bothers to read his mail anyway, so what good does it do to contact him?

When he finally deigns to check the mail via his newfound squeeze, who ran away from her own commitments, he makes for home. But, of course, the boat he’s on gets rammed by a derelict boat they’d spent the entire night steaming away from after going by it the first time and barely missing it because I don’t know. Were they going in a circle? I’m confused. Another screw up and this one is like, really? Big ocean, two boats, and they collide. What are they in, the US Navy?

They almost get eaten by sharks. Then they get rescued. Get married via the nicest captain you’re ever going to meet. Then finally get on a civilized boat but despite knowing they should hide out in their rather swank cabin (the only cruise I’ve been on was the Maui Writers Conference cruise and my shared room was the size of a closet and in the crew quarters—I know that because we got the announcement sent to the crew). Nope. They’re not going to be happy with cabin service and constant boinking each other. They decide to dress up and show off in front of her ex-fiancé’s family. Because, hey, that’s going to go well. It’s also called being a dick. And stupid. I’m questioning this guy’s decision-making because every decision he’s made so far has been wrong.

And, of course, Spencer, who is the guy we’re waiting on to save us, ends up banished off the boat. Because showing off was more important than getting home and saving his family and land.

And, up to this point, it seems his new wife never exactly asked him where they were going because she has to dramatically scramble to find one of the letters and read the return address (which she never noticed before, I guess, even though she read all of them to him) and scream “I’ll meet you in Bozeman!” as she finally wakes up to the destination. Her and Guffman.

And really, in a world where every actor seems to be English, they hire an American to play an English woman? Really? Her accent is all over the place. As are her emotions. I’m thinking they must be writing her to be borderline, right?

So far the show has been every character making the most selfish and stupid decision they can make and then seeing what happens. Harrison Ford started out, by being unredeemable for not even hanging those guys directly, but torturing them first. That entire scene made ZERO sense but it set in motion everything afterward so I hope they do lose the ranch and everything. They deserve to for being sadistic jerks.

No one is empathetic. The young Native American girl had to kill those nuns before leaving– how many more lives did that end and destroy? Why didn’t she just go?

There’s a lot of revenge in these shows. I get it. A lot of revenge in thrillers. I’m not a fan of revenge. Because in reality, revenge puts you on level with, if not below, those you seek revenge on.

I’m not saying 1923 badly written. It’s well-written in many ways. But at the core is profound narcissism. The same is true of Yellowstone. Appears to a winning formula.

But I’m not waiting on Spencer.